Monday, June 15, 2009

Roller Coasters

I am taking a road trip this weekend with my niece Jes, her brother Andy and Andy's lovely wife, Robyn. (It was their wedding I was in last July.) We are going to Cedar Point, an amusement park on Lake Erie. This is going to be an interesting trip. It's always an interesting trip. Here's a backstory....

The last time I was there, a lady of middle eastern descent shang haied me on a ride and force me to sit with her child, who spoke little to no English. I tried to refuse but she stuck him in the seat and walked away. I couldn't make the child understand how to fasten the seatbelt and I was not about to fasten it for him and have some crazed parent scream that I was molesting him. When the ride was over, the little boy didn't know where to go and his mother was no where to be found. I turned him over to the person in charge of the ride and skedaddled right on out of there.

Here are some reasons why this trip is going to be interesting.

#1. Sweetie and I are not huge fans of roller coasters. I'm afraid of heights and he'd much rather stay on the ground.

#2. Part of this trip is to the water park part of the park. Sweetie and I will not be participating in this little jaunt because we are not huge fans of water parks. He doesn't even own swim trunks and we won't even discuss putting my size 16 behind in lycra and spandex.

#3. A brother, a sister and a wife all together in one car, for a four hour drive.

#4. I got online this morning to get driving directions to our hotel. (The hotel was picked by Andy and Robyn) I made the mistake of reading the "guest reviews" on a hotel reservation website. Holy Smokes were they ever bad! There were approx. 50 reviews and they were all terrible. They were so bad that it made me want to stay there just to see if it really is THAT bad. What made it so funny is that they all sounded the same. Dirty, cockroaches, poor location, inattentive staff, soiled get the idea.
These were some of my favorite comments:
"Run as far and as fast as you can away from this hotel"
"I've traveled and stayed in hotels for more than 25 years and this is by far the wors I have ever seen."
"There was something dead floating in the pool"
"There was a dead thing in the pool and it stunk!"
"There was a white stain on the chair and I'm pretty sure I don't want to know what it was"
"My bed linens had blood on them. Not stains, real actual BLOOD."
"When I asked to see the hotel manager he came out wearing sweatpants that had obviously been slept in. It was also obvious that he didn't feel the need to launder anything."
And this was my very favorite:
"The pimps and the ho's were fighting in the parking lot all night long. We piled a dresser and a table against the door to keep them out of our room!"

So, come Monday, I'm sure to have some entertaining stories about my trip to Cedar Point. Don't worry, though, I cancelled my reservation and Club Dread and booked at Hotel Breakers. It's well worth the extra cost!

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