Thursday, August 26, 2010

30 Days of Truth, day 16 thru 20

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Having to deal with my husband’s 2 ex’s. I absolutely can not stand having to put up with their crap. There is no good reason for it at all.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
I think it shouldn’t matter what I think, or what anyone else thinks. I don’t think that there should be a law or a rule that discriminates against any one particular group of people for any reason. I believe that opens the door to other means of discrimination. A law would not prevent me from being with the person I love. The few gay couples I know have got it right, though. They seem to value their relationships more than straight people do. They seem to know the cost of it better.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
I hate both. There is no room in my world for a single view on anything, and I do not agree that there is only one right way to consider an issue. For all of the “hot button” issues like abortion, gay marriage, prayer in schools, etc. I say just let it be. Its no one elses business. You do what you want, I’ll do what I want and everyone is happy.

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Hmmm…this is a trick question for me. I am positive that my answers will shock, and even offend many of my friends who may read this.
I am the wife of an alcoholic. Out of respect for my husband, I don’t drink either. Seldom do I ever drink around him, and when I do I ask him if he minds. We try to avoid places where alcohol is being served. Alcohol has cost us thousands of dollars and burned bridges that can’t ever be repaired. It is a daily struggle and I can see the burden that it places on each of us to be in a sober household. Sometimes I wonder if it is more difficult to stay sober, or to drink. I see the balance beam he walks on, the watchful eyes he endures. It is a great amount of pressure to live up to everyone else’s expectations, especially when you would give your last drop of blood to have a beer.
My mother was a narcotic addict. It changed our family. I often wonder what my life might have been like if that had never happened.
I used to take massive quantities of pills, and after my 2nd husband died I drank, a lot, like it was my job. I like to drink. I like the way it makes me feel. I sleep good when I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine. There have been days when I have cried tears because I wanted to drink.
So, I can totally understand how a person would turn to drugs and alcohol to cope with things. It may be the only way, or the best way they have found to get through what ever it is.

30 Days of Truth, part 4

Day 21 →Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? Take my sorry ass to the hospital and apologize.

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
I don’t have a good answer for this one. I know that if I had done one thing differently that I wouldn’t be where I am today.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
I wish I had gotten my bachelors degree. But, just like the question above, if I had done anything differently I wouldn’t have the life I’ve got now.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Patience by Guns and Roses
This song takes me back to a specific time and place and reminds me that things just take time and if you let them, they will work themselves out
Want To by Sugarland
The lyrics “never waste another day wondering what you threw away” made me rethink some things in my life and changed everything for the better.
November by the Avetts Brothers
The month of November 2009 was a very difficult one for me.
I’m Alive by Kenny Chesney and Dave Matthews
Because I might not be if it weren’t for you
500 miles by The Proclaimers
Its fun and upbeat and the words are true

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Because my job isn’t done, I guess. I ask myself this a lot. My daily prayers is “Lord, let me be a blessing to someone” I keep thinking that is why I’m still here.

Monday, August 23, 2010

30 days of Truth, part 3

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
My cooking. I love to cook. Its how I show people that I care about them.

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
My accomplishments. I have worked hard professionally and personally to achieve goals. I put myself through college and paid every single dime of my student loans myself. I have a wall full of awards and plaques. I have bought and paid for 2 brand new vehicles, several used vehicles, and a home by myself, with no one else’s help. I am working on my second college degree right now. As a woman working in a predominately male field, I think the things I have done go completely unnoticed and appreciated.

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days.
Christina Aguilera is my go to girl, especially her “Stripped” album. The song “Fighter” really speaks to my soul. I used to listen to it on my way to work every morning just to psych myself up for the day. When I look back at terrible things that have happened to me, or people who have wronged me I can say “makes me work a little bit harder, it makes me that much stronger, makes me that much wiser” When I started dating my husband I liked to listen to “Aint No Other Man” and “Candy Man” from the Back to Basics album. I made sure those two songs were played at our wedding reception. When I need a little pick me up, that’s what I pop in the CD player in the car- LOUD.

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down.
I’ve never had a hero, ever, so I can’t really answer this one.

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Coffee. I had to give it up for a while and it was miserable. I’d rather be sick than go without coffee.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

30 Days of Truth, part 2

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
I hope I never have to bury another husband. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I would eat glass to never have to do it again. Making "those calls" is a horrible, gut wrenching thing to be forced to do.

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
I do not mean for this so sound cliché, but my honest to goodness answer is the man I am married to. He re-entered my life at a very dark and difficult time and I can truthfully say that he saved my life and made me a better person. I will never be able to find a way to thank him for that as long as I live. We have been together for 2 years and have known each other since we were just kids but he still gives me the butterflies, I still like to watch him, and I hate being separated from him for any length of time.

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
There was someone who literally terrorized me to the point of having a nervous breakdown. I was on valium and zanax, and in mass quantities for nearly a year. I couldn’t sleep, my hair fell out and I was a nervous wreck. Because I still have ties to this person I will not name names or give any more details.

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
My best friend Chris. We lived together for a while. After I moved into my own house we sort of just had separate lives. I miss her but I don’t often get the chance to just hang out with her the way we used to.

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
I know a lot of toxic people, the clingers and hangers on. The people who literally drain the energy from you just by being around you. I wish I didn’t know them.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

An Impatient 30 days of truth...

I saw this on another blog and thought it was interesting. The idea is to answer honest questions about yourself over thirty days.But, being the impatient person that I am I'm going to do it 5 days at a time.

Here goes:

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
I hate my weight. It is an honest to goodness struggle. I refuse to even look in the mirror most days because of it. I hate it so much that I would spend $10,000 on liposuction if I had it. I wouldn't even care that its major surgery or the amount of pain it would cause.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
I love my eyes. I have always thought they were the prettiest color of blue. I love how they change depending on my mood or if I'm tired of if Iv'e had some wine.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
For being hateful to my husband right before he died. I was pissed that he wouldn't answer his cell phone and I left a nasty message. I found out later he was on the floor dead when I left the message. When I had to go through his account later I felt awful when I heard what I sounded like.

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
I need to forgive a lot of people for a lot of things. I carry a grudge like no body's business. I'm sure that I would be a much happier person if I could find a way to just let go of things.

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Gosh, this is a hard question for me to answer because I want to do so many things. My bucket list is WAY long. For now, I guess I have to say Id love to go to Italy. Ask me again tomorrow my answer will probably be different.